Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 30 May 2011

Monday, 30 May 2011


Lovely (sarcasm) Bank Holiday weather: drizzle, drizzle and more drizzle. My joints are clicking and banging, painfully and I’m sore as f*ck all over. Unable to move all day, so I lay down. Baked some cakes from a packet mix later.

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Everything just really hurts this morning. I feel extra tired and have that drawing pain in my lower legs again – which I attribute to blood pooling there and which had probably happened because I dared get out of bed a couple of extra times yesterday and especially baked cakes. Despite this, had to take some parcels round to the post office. These were large, but not heavy, so I took them on a trolley, but this was still too much effort, too exhausting and too painful.

Wednesday, 1 Jun 2011

Hurt all over: shoulders, down my bum, hip hurts, legs, foot … and have the feverishness, sore throat, headache, etc., that always happens after any exertion. Had to take a 2nd dose of Celebrex as the pain was breaking through again by lunch time.

Thursday, 2 Jun 2011

Still got pain, inflammation and feverishness resulting from the exertion of taking those packages to the Post Office on Tuesday. Can’t get up. Getting out of bed both difficult and painful, can’t sit up, every muscle and joint hurts and is burning fiercely. Hurts to sit on the loo even.

Friday, 3 Jun 2011

Bad night, pain woke me before 5am. Feel so sick, I just have to lie down. Hands hurt. Headache I can’t shift. Also had a bad coughing attack.

Saturday, 4 Jun 2011

Slept right through, only waking briefly once, until almost 11 am. Even the cats let me sleep. Still don’t feel rested and am tired and achy.

Sunday, 5 Jun 2011

Hip pain broken through meds again. Knees, ankles and feet hurt so much and are stiff, shoulders, arms and hands hurt too. Hurts to write as usual.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Monday, 23 May 2011

Pain in neck increased again. Also very tired and have a sore throat again this morning. Reacted badly to the little activity I did yesterday, sorting stuff.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Only walked to the local Post Office and back yesterday, but woke up with the sore throat, feverishness, headache, pain and spasms in leg muscles that normally come after a much longer outing. Also being stressed out by mother’s constant melodrama and attention-seeking behaviour. Today the world was about to end because her hospital transport hadn’t arrived when she was ready. This was accompanied by highly dramatised exclamations of “Oh, I hope he hasn’t forgotten me” and “What am I going to do?”, while quivering her bottom lip and turning on the crocodile tears. Nothing, you say? Poor old dear, you think? She would want you to believe that I'm the one being unreasonable and unkind. NO. She knows what she’s doing. This is everyday. Besides she was ready ages before she needed to be and the lift wasn’t even due to arrive for some considerable time then, so he wasn’t late, so there wasn’t a problem in the first place. Pointed this out to her, but she feigned (became snotty, nose in the air, refused to respond ...) not being able to understand that logic. And jeez, it’s hard to be sympathetic when she disregards, denies and brushes off my illness and is clearly using these relentless melodramatic outbursts to ‘prove’ – at least in her own head – that she is SO much more unwell and important and deserving of sympathy.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Woke up with sore throat, exhausted and with pain in neck, back hips and legs as if I’d been on a major outing again and I’d only been as far as the local Post Office again yesterday.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Bad pain and stiffness everywhere as weather turned to rainy and windy. Hurt my wrist trying to get out of bed. Legs barely work. Headache. Counselling appointment in the afternoon and the walk was difficult – not to mention wet - and was glad to come straight back again. Went straight to bed, exhausted.

Friday, 27 May 2011

Pain in hip and neck mostly, along with general stiffness and aches after outing yesterday, as well as exhausted after waking at 5am. Have been waking earlier and earlier lately because of the light mornings, despite blocking the glass above the door and buying a screen. These only help a little. Had to take some more items to the Post Office and do some shopping in the afternoon. Took the bus there – BIG mistake – and taxi back, but this was still exhausting and caused a lot of pain in my legs.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Shoulders, back and legs all hurt and knees feel swollen. Arms and hands hurt. Writing hurts. Joints all clicking painfully. Headache. Exhausted. Woke up early. Nausea. Coughing, choking and wheezing with tightness and pain my chest again – this latter several times this week, but particularly bad this morning. Pain in my knees is excruciating. Every time I stand up, I feel overwhelmingly sick and have to lie back down again.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Hands, neck and knees were worst affected with pain this morning. Bad attack of IBS again today has put me back in bed with a sore stomach, weak and general malaise, as well as back ache.

Monday, 16 May 2011

Monday, 16 May 2011


Really bad today: so weak I can hardly pull myself up off the bed nor sit up. Woke up with headache. Still itching. Joints all cracking.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Rain forecast, confirmed by the mega-high level of pain in my hips, legs, back and neck – all of which woke me early. Utterly exhausted. Can barely sit up. Getting up out of bed difficult as I’m too weak and trying to do so hurts my wrists. Can’t even pull myself into a comfortable position, but can’t stay upright because thus causes extreme nausea and overwhelming need to lie down. Certainly could not think. Could not walk further than the bathroom this morning. Nevertheless, had an appointment at the optician in the afternoon and this totally exhausted me. Came home and fell asleep. 

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Bad pain last night and this morning after outing yesterday, especially in hip, back and neck. Neck in particular from the jolting of the bus – I’d gone by bus to save walking as I was so exhausted already, but the bus really is too painful. Can’t even get comfortable in bed I’m in so much pain.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Pretty crappy: woke up with bad pain and my movement is restricted as a result, particularly in my hip. Could hardly walk and then in an unnatural manner. Pain and stiffness in neck and shoulders persists from bus ride on Tuesday. Had to go out to a counselling appointment in the afternoon. Was very tired after outing, but more in pain in neck than usual, despite meds, which is still as a result of the bus journey on Tuesday. Really can’t manage buses.

Friday, 20 May 2011

Pain in neck and hip – usual reaction after and outing. Voice croaking from talking yesterday, as well as headache, aches and feverishness. No alternative but to lie down and rest.

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Sore throat, exhausted before I start the day, stiff and sore joints. Neck, shoulders and back still hurt  from Tuesday’s bus ride. Wrists affected also, by which I mean they are painful, but also do not have any power. 

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Just average day: weak, stiff, achy and, despite sleeping reasonably well, too exhausted to get up and do things. In the afternoon, managed to begin on sorting stuff.

Monday, 9 May 2011

Monday, 9 May 2011


Humidity still very high after weekend storms, which has caused another huge increase in pain level (despite meds – what's the point is of taking them?) in neck, back and hip. Very stiff and painful to walk. Writing is very painful even.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Pain kept me from deep sleep and woke me up early, because weather is humid again. Pain persists despite medication. All joints sore, feel swollen and are clicking painfully.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Woke up knackered, with a headache, pain in my neck, back and hip and the feeling that the day is going to go downhill from there. 

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Didn’t get to sleep until 5am, so today I’m not more more than ‘the walking dead’, but have to go out to an appointment in the afternoon. (This is the regular conundrum: it was a counselling appointment, so not only was there the physical demand of getting there, but there were also the emotional and mental ones. Especially if I wanted to actually benefit from it. However, it’s absolutely impossible to do that on almost no sleep, but also impossible to control or foresee what sort of night I will have or how unwell I will be on any given day.)

Friday, 13 May 2011

Bad night with exhaustion and pain from outing yesterday. Legs and feet worst, along with back and neck pain. Woke with sore throat, headache and feverishness.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

Couldn’t get to sleep until 6am. Woke with a bad headache, sore throat, swollen glands and an increase all over of aches and pains.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Woke with sore throat, catarrh, stiffness … Last night was itching all over my torso like a flea-bitten moggy. This morning I feel bruised even if a cat steps on me.

Monday, 2 May 2011

Monday, 2 May 2011


Just tired and stiff this morning, but only feel averagely crap. Of course, if I actually tried doing anything, that would be a different matter.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Woke up knackered and too early because of the mornings getting lighter, with my hands swollen, joints cracking, with severe pain again in my hip, back and neck.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

More stiff and achy again this morning, which I attribute to it getting particularly cold indoors yesterday. Energy levels will be fine, as long as I don’t expend any.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Pain levels up again this morning. Think the weather must be on the change. Headache, stiff, but otherwise not too bad for fatigue. YET. Went out in the afternoon to counselling session. Collected the balance of prescriptions from chemist and one or two items of shopping. By the time I got home my shoes had ripped painful holes in my feet, which were sore and blistered; my knees and hips were screaming in pain and my back felt broken. Could hardly walk.

Friday, 6 May 2011

Worse than usual reaction to outing, with severe pain in neck, back, hips and hands. Sore throat and feverish headache. Took a cold and flu powder and went back to bed to lie down as I felt so sick. Couldn’t even manage to sit up.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Pain (despite meds) and headache, along with nausea, aches and feverishness – still. Just want to lie down as I feel so unwell. And did. Another day written off.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Weather has turned cold and damp (as predicted) and the pain and stiffness in my knees and hips is excruciating. I’m tired, I feel sick and can only lie down. Had a painful attack of IBS in the evening, which made me weak and sore. Went to bed.