Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 31 May 2021


Southampton Water from Hamble Common Beach

The gravel and mud beach at Hamble Common

And just in case of attack, an anti-aircraft gun.

Left the house yesterday for only the 2nd time this year, going to the beach at Hamble, because I'd never been to the east side of Southampton Water. Take my advice: stay on the west, unless all you want is a view of Fawley Refinery

The view from Hythe is much nicer. Well, from anywhere is nicer!

Double-checked my Google Timeline today and we'd travelled no more than 9 miles from home and were out for a total of 1¾ hours, four minutes of which were stopped at the car park. Therefore, I cannot have walked far in that time. 

Today, I am in so much pain, most of the day I've been unable to function in any meaningful way. I didn't sleep well (partly because of next door's cat serenading for hours), but mostly because it was impossible to get to sleep while lying on either side because of the extreme pain, but I can't easily fall asleep on my back either. My neck and back are utterly screaming with pain, mostly from the jolting from the poor condition of the road surfaces - over just that short journey. 

My hips and knees are beyond painful from 'walking'. I doubt it was even 50 yards. 

Every muscle and joint hurts and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I took Diclofenac earlier - which I only do in emergencies - and it merely dulled the pain slightly for about an hour, if that gives you an idea of the level of it.

This afternoon, I'm starting to get the sore throat and feverish headache that are the classic signs of the onset of Post-exertional malaise. Chances of being even at my usual baseline - no more than reclining in bed with visits to the loo being my only activity: I don't even go downstairs - for the next few days is doubtful.  

It's laughable really: If going 9 miles, being out for 1¾ hours and walking a few steps does this, what chance, other than becoming a vegetable (and I'm almost there already) do I ever have of staying within my “energy envelope”?

As I say, this is only the second time I've left the house this year. I can bear this level of lockdown - mine started way back in 1995 - better than most people seem able to do, but it is not good for the mental health to be stuck in one place all the time, however, it's also really not easy to see the benefits of going out anywhere either if these are the consequences. I often hesitate to write about this, because I know it can sound like I'm just whining, but I'm starting to realise that I need to do so, because I need people to understand my reality and the reality of so many other isolated and neglected people with Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME).