Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Thursday, 24 Nov 2011


Only slept about 4 hours last night, so woke up very tired and strung out. Received some post and deliveries, but was unable to move anything and just left all the items where they were (often do this with shopping). By mid-afternoon, I simply could not do anything, other than lie down, dozing. Yet another nose bleed.

Friday, 25 Nov 2011

Woke up in pain. My bones feel like they’ve been replaced with freezer ice as they're burning (like an Ice Burn) and my muscles are achy, taught and powerless. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I had polio. (Myalgic encephalomyelitis was called atypical polio - or polio by another name. Not surprised.) For some time this morning I really couldn’t make my limbs move, despite being desperate for the loo. Sore throat and very swollen glands. Knees feel swollen. All joints are clicking painfully. Food and coffee made me feel sick. Walking to the loo made me exhausted and shake from the exertion. Feverish headache and light is painful to my eyes. Legs and back are too painful even to allow me to sit. No choice but to lie down, even though I need (and want) to be doing things in the house. 

Saturday, 26 Nov 2011

Woke up with severe headache and nausea. Eating breakfast only made the latter worse. Catarrh, sore throat, and an ‘itch’ in my ears (like with an infection). Feel like I’m getting flu, although likely this is Post-exertional malaise (PEM).

Monday, 28 Nov 2011

Woke with a sore throat and a banging, feverish headache again. Joints very sore. 

(These are the last entries in the diary.)

Monday, 7 November 2011

Monday, 7 Nov 2011

Yet another explosive attack of IBS this morning. What began, as ever, as a seemingly normal 'bathroom visit' – there is never any prior warning or indication – became a lengthy marathon with contractions/spasms and pain increasing in intensity until it made me cry out, involuntarily. By that point I was in so much pain I was feeling faint and thought I would pass out and fall off the loo! That’s not to mention the smell and the mess – you are so lucky there’s no ‘smellyvision’ – which make it impossible to even contemplate getting ‘caught short’ with this in a public or work place. The ordeal left me feeling weak and unwell and required me to lie flat for much of the day, until I had to go out, to keep a counselling appointment, in the afternoon – I'd rather have not gone out.

Tuesday, 8 Nov 2011

Yesterday’s outing took it out of me on top of the IBS attack, so much of today I had to rest. Was collected and taken out to a local group this evening and watched an interesting and informative film, but a couple of hours in an upright chair left my legs, back and neck in very severe pain that, later, prevented me from getting comfortable in bed and getting to sleep. When I did sleep, I woke up again early. Allodynia pain has flared up so much, making it too painful to put my feet in direct contact with the bed sheets. Yet again, this is too high a price to pay. 

Wednesday, 9 Nov 2011

Still felt unwell and tired. Woke stiff, but in less pain than I expected. Was not able to do much physically, but did finish writing some letters that have been waiting – for a day when I had the energy and cognitive capabilities - since September and took those and a couple of parcels to the Post Office. Phoned ‘former family friend’ – to not name this person – to cancel their intended (their intention) visit, which he turned into an argument. It’s clear he is not about to let facts get in the way of his ill-informed opinions (those only based on my mother’s lies). As the call was ended abruptly, I will need to defend myself in writing, but otherwise, want no contact with this person. It was a most unpleasant exchange, but I feel more sure of myself and thus less upset by his verbal attack.

Thursday, 10 Nov 2011

Difficulty waking up this morning, even though I slept reasonably for a change, which, under the circumstances, was a surprise – or, maybe not, now that I’m certain I won’t be dealing with certain bullies again. But I’m tired, strung out and nauseas. Having to push myself to eat. Neck pain and stiffness, with that grinding, crunching of bones sound, is particularly bad today. Felt sick, shaky and feverish after eating breakfast and had to lie down. Migraine headache building.

(Once more, too unwell to continue symptom diary on a regular basis.)