Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 15 August 2011

Monday, 15 Aug 2011


(Yes, there is a gap for week commencing 8 Aug 2011, as I was just too ill.)

Had to do some shopping today because mother couldn’t go out, because of dizziness. OK, but I’ve been suffering dizziness, pretty much constantly, since 1973, but as usual, she chooses to ignore and invalidate my symptoms. The walking and carrying was just too much for me. When I got home I had to lie flat as I was overwhelmed by with nausea, dizziness, light-headedness, shaking from the exertion, and fatigue. New canvas shoes caused several blisters on my over-sensitive feet within yards, so I had to buy alternative shoes – in a charity shop – in order to be able to get home. This degree of sensitivity is excessive. 

Tuesday, 16 Aug 2011

Despite still feeling very nauseas and dizzy, took the train – could not have coped with the longer, more uncomfortable bus journey – and had to get taxis to and from the stations to keep another therapy appointment. Didn’t think I was going to make it home as I felt so sick and unwell.

Wednesday, 17 Aug 2011

Still feel very unwell with overwhelming nausea and dizziness. Cannot stand or even sit up without the symptoms becoming much worse. Today my stomach is considerably upset and mother was admitted to hospital and given IV antibiotics - for the same symptoms I have – which I later queried with them. Had phoned GP, who have seen many patients with the same symptoms recently and say that this is VIRUS* that’s going around. Was advised to rest and drink plenty of fluids. Duty doctor was going to call me in the morning for an update. Too ill to stand and prepare any food. Needed help, but, of course, none was available.

(*Antibiotics are no use with a VIRUS. The hospital was wrong and, on top of the chemo – that my mother denied she was having – proved fatal.)

Thursday, 18 Aug 2011

Thought I felt a bit better this morning, but I thought wrong. Dizziness and light-headedness is so extreme that I’m literally bouncing off the walls as I’m unable to walk or keep my balance. Nausea returned and now I have a feverish, gripping and randomly stabbing headache. This, in addition to the terrible stomach ache and upset stomach that left me feeling sick, weak and even more light-headed again. Had spoken to the GP this morning, who said rest as much as possible, but that they would need to see me if the symptoms returned – which they have, but I’m much too ill to manage to get to the surgery! Also advised to have as little contact as possible with my mother – not a problem, as I'm too ill to go out and have no means to get to the hospital anyway – to avoid reinfection. 

This virus also left me too unwell to continue with the diary.

Monday, 1 August 2011

Monday, 1 Aug 2011


‘Effin crap again. Still got flu-like symptoms and inflammation that is notable in my hands and knees. Pain levels are mega with shooting pains and spasms, especially in my thighs. Decided not to take pain killers (Celebrex/Celecoxib) this week as they barely touch the pain anyway, but are almost certainly contributing to an extreme level of constipation, which is itself crippling.

Tuesday, 2 Aug 2011

Overall feeling of inflammation, which is hands is very apparent. Neck ache, back ache, feel sick and exhausted just from making breakfast. Spending the day resting after counselling yesterday.

Wednesday, 3 Aug 2011

Utterly crap, without the crap. Severely constipated again, which is (literally) a severe pain in the rectum. Was overcome with severe sweating and nausea, when I simply tried to go to the loo. Thought I was going to pass out or throw up. Had to crawl back to bed to lie down. My back hurts and I feel very unwell.

Thursday, 4 Aug 2011

Snuffly this morning and have increased nausea again. Took another laxative last night and STILL no result. Hip and back pain is getting really bad.

Friday, 5 Aug 2011

Eleven hours sleep, relatively low pain levels (due to warm, dry weather) and finally went to the loo! It took a 3rd dose of laxatives and wasn’t really worth celebrating, but this is just one example of what happens with medications – for me anyway and perhaps for many people with myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) – that we get all the side-effects (for example, pain meds causing constipation) and none of the effects: doesn’t kill pain – indeed, if you add the severe back ache, constipation headache and overall aches from feeling ‘poisoned’ as a result, all pain meds do is increase pain levels, exponentially. Seems incredibly ‘arse backwards’ to me (hence, gave up on them in the end). Still have the headache and now have the shakes from exertion, but it is a mild improvement.

Saturday, 6 Aug 2011

Severe headache, horrible cramps and pain around my butt end, severe backache and crippling nausea. Getting worried that my bowel may be obstructed. Severe pain in lower abdomen. Hip, neck and knee pain increasing again.

Sunday, 7 Aug 2011

Yay, finally! OK, I'll spare you the details. At least the obstruction cleared itself. Now headache has reduced. Neck pain still needs support and still light-headed and dizzy on standing.