Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 27 June 2011

Monday, 27 Jun 2011


Hell would be more comfortable than the heat and humidity mix in Britain right now. All my joints are groaning and feel swollen. Back and neck hurt. Hands hurt and are throbbing with pain. Couldn’t find a position that was comfortable in bed again last night and consequently didn’t sleep much. My skin is sore everywhere. My toe joint is throbbing with what I can only assume to be gout (this was diagnosed, back in the early 90’s, in Tenerife, tested with high uric acid levels) – this time I certainly haven’t been provoking it with a rich diet nor excess alcohol! The skin on that joint is so sore that I can’t touch it nor put it down, nor let it touch the bedding even. Shoes would kill me. All over allodynia pain is severely heightened again, including a sensitive spot on my belly button (the site of one stitch following a laparoscopy carried out in 1986 – that simply will not heal.)

Tuesday, 28 Jun 2011

Neck ache, back ache and knackered, as usual. Pain in lower legs, ankles and feet – the latter feel as if I’ve walked miles – just from a short walk yesterday.

Wednesday, 29 Jun 2011

Legs don’t want to work, knees swollen, neck hurts and I feel like I’ve been run over by a steam roller again – but then that’s all the default position. Stood for a bit too long – like about 2 minutes – and this made me feel sick and shaky. Had to lie down again to recover and stop the feeling overwhelming me.

Thursday, 30 Jun 2011

Didn’t get to sleep until 4:30am and woke up at 9:15am, so I’m absolutely knackered. Again. Knees feel like they’ve walked miles and are very sore and painful. Also have an awful headache and feel strung out from the lack of sleep. Yet I have to go out to appointments again today – which will mean recovery is going to take days again. Neck is making painful crunching noises. The usual problems walking to counselling appointment – was exhausted by the end of the road, let alone half way – and my shoes ripped holes in my feet again.

Friday, 1 Jul 2011

Usual post-outing problems with pain in legs and feet; back hurts badly, I feel feverish, have a sore throat and a severe headache with nausea. In addition, I feel too weak – as well as it being too painful – to sit up, so once more I have to spend the day lying down or at least reclining on the bed with my legs raised. Arms and wrists hurt too. I can just browse and look at pictures, but I cannot concentrate to read, type or do anything actually productive.

Saturday, 2 Jul 2011

Woke up with a bad headache, painful creaking in my neck and my legs are still suffering from Thursday’s outing. Exhausted. Neck pain and stiffness is resisting meds and I feel like I have a hangover (not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips since forever). Getting up to make food, I felt dizzy, sick and light-headed. The pain and stiffness in my neck is now referring down into my left shoulder, making my left arm weak and giving me pins and needles in my arm and hand (this is not the first time, this arm was affected like this for several months once in the past). Couldn’t do anything constructive today either.

Sunday, 3 Jul 2011

Neck has become really painful and uncomfortable again. Hip and leg pain with the burning feeling right down to the bone, has come back. I was exhausted just from making and eating breakfast.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Monday, 20 Jun 2011


Aching hands again this morning, as the weather is humid once more. Other pain is spasmodic, rather than constant, which is an enormous, unexpected improvement.

Tuesday, 21 Jun 2011

Headache, back ache, neck ache, legs hurt … and a night full of vivid dreams and only light sleep again. Woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept.

Wednesday, 22 Jun 2011

Hip and leg pain back up at excruciating level. Neck, back and shoulder pain really bad. Hands and wrists hurt. Knees ache. Exhausted.

Thursday, 23 Jun 2011

Back pain, neck pain and hip pain all dreadful today. Legs hurt and are too weak to hold me up. Knees hurt. Hands hurt. Just want to sleep, but have to go out to a counselling session in the afternoon.

Friday, 24 Jun 2011

Just when you think your meds work: couldn’t get to sleep until 6am. Legs are in agony again after walking yesterday. I made the mistake of walking home from the village as the weather was fine, but it’s clear that this activity always results in a sleepless night and a flare of pain. All symptoms are heightened today and I feel utterly strung out from the lack of sleep. Was unable to do anything all day. Slept all afternoon and all night, after going to bed at around 8pm.

Saturday, 25 Jun 2011

One of THE worst pain days ever: neck, back, hip, legs … my hands are weak and throbbing with pain. Everything hurts and I am so fatigued I can hardly move and when I do, just the shortest walk (to the kitchen) feels like an extreme exertion and just makes me want to lie down again.

Sunday, 26 Jun 2011

Neck and back really painful again. Legs can hardly carry me. Just getting breakfast wore me out. Was only able to recline all day: could not have mustered the physical energy to do anything.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Monday, 13 Jun 2011

Therapy dog

Woke with horrendous back ache this morning, which was only worsened by one of the most violent IBS attacks ever, with contractions and full body spasms. Felt really weak, exhausted and unwell afterwards with a stomach ache like I’d been kicked by a mule. Had to spend the rest of the day lying down to recover. 

Tuesday, 14 Jun 2011

Crappy night (pun intended) as I couldn’t get to sleep at all because of the back pain. Pain in my hip is bad again. Neck pain has also increased. Sure sign of wet weather on the way again, which, in the UK, is pretty much permanent and situation normal. My body can’t cope with it though. Had to go out to a dentist appointment in the afternoon, despite not being well enough.

Wednesday, 15 Jun 2011

Crap night (again) and slept lightly because of the increase in pain caused by the outing yesterday. Would prefer to stay in bed than to go out today, but have another appointment, this time for Myofascial release. Exhausted before I start.

Thursday, 16 Jun 2011

Hip pain was absent this morning for the first time in over 3 years as a result of the myofascial release (MFR) yesterday. The bad news about this is that the effects only lasted temporarily and the prospect of the bus journey at least once a week, not to mention the £25 - £40 cost each time, makes this not only prohibitive, but also counter-productive. Also sadly, it had no impact on my other symptoms, so joint pain and fatigue were still crippling. Nevertheless, walking was a bit easier for a few days, which was almost like a mini-holiday. Had to go out again this afternoon for a counselling appointment.

Friday, 17 Jun 2011

Was awake at 3am. Less pain than normal, but another bad attack of IBS quickly brought the day back down to normal levels of crapness (pun intended, again). Spent most of the day lying down quietly to recover because the IBS left me feeling sore, weak and feeling unwell.

Saturday, 18 Jun 2011

Exhaustion is the worst symptom today – after too many outings for appointments in a row – so much so that I had to spend most of the day lying down again as I felt so unwell. Otherwise, just nagging pain and stiffness.

Sunday, 19 Jun 2011

Felt too ill to note symptoms today. Spent day in bed.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Monday, 6 Jun 2011


Having trouble with pins and needles and my legs and feet going to sleep. Couldn’t stand. Tired as usual, but manage to list some items to sell on Ebay – done while lying down in bed, of course.

Tuesday, 7 Jun 2011

Really couldn’t move or get out of bed this morning. Utterly exhausted. Knees hurt much more than usual. Legs hurt. Too painful to have laptop on lap. Ache and sore all over due to humidity. Soreness on right foot has increased again. Extensive IBS attack in the afternoon left me feeling totally drained and with unbearable back pain including that deep pain in my left kidney area - that had me rushed to hospital in Tenerife back in 1995 - and that always comes back with flares. Feel an overall anxiety that I can’t really identify or shake at the moment.

Wednesday, 8 Jun 2011

Woke up exhausted, unable to concentrate even on reading emails. Had breakfast then lay back down again and went back to sleep. Still got dull ache in left kidney area. Still feel physically wiped out as if I’d been run over by a steam-roller. Laying in bed, feel as if I’ve been stuck in place and that gravity has been doubled. Pain is defying the meds again, but don’t want to get into the habit of taking more, leaving nothing extra for the future or emergencies.

Thursday, 9 Jun 2011

Really achy again this morning, with pain not responding to meds at all. Back feels broken, so had to put on support. Joints all feel swollen and are clicking painfully again. Not really up to it physically, but had to go out to counselling appointment again in the afternoon.

Friday, 10 Jun 2011

Very sore this morning. Neck and back pain bad after yesterday’s outing. Couldn’t get comfortable in bed as pain was too severe and in too many places to get into a position that I could relax and that didn’t cause additional pain. Everything is sore, even resting limbs on the bed clothes hurts. Nothing is responding to meds. Knees too sore to walk on.

Saturday, 11 Jun 2011

Woke up early morning with an unbearable pain in the centre of my chest. Legs hurt. Walk to kitchen felt like a marathon. Wiped out and feel very sick and unwell (malaise). Had to spend the day lying down again.

Sunday, 12 Jun 2011

Headache that started a couple of days ago just won’t go. Light hurts. Sore throat. Hoarse. Back hurts. Neck hurts. Had to lie down in a darkened room.