Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 28 March 2011

Monday, 28 Mar 2011


Slept better last night with both Lyrica [Pregabalin] and Melatonin (supplement), but pain levels still high in neck, back, legs, feet and wrists. Headache is intermittent [that’s a rare and distinct improvement]. On Jan 8th, I wrote that I wanted to change the bed, clean my room and sort my wardrobe. I am YET to do this and haven’t yet had a day where I could stand or had the energy to do so. And today isn’t going to be that day either. Whilst I'm able to accept that this is just the way it is and it would not worry me alone that the mess is, inevitably, building up, once more I am being put under pressure, because my mother makes a point of being disapproving. She isn’t able to – or does not wish to – comprehend that I simply cannot do what she wants, when she wants, just because she wants it. And making that obvious, constantly, does nothing whatsoever to help.

Tuesday, 29 Mar 2011

Woke up in pain from head to toe. Cannot stop yawning. Otherwise, didn’t start off as such a bad day, relatively. Walked round to the local Post Office in the afternoon and, once again, felt dizzy and had trouble keeping balance and walking in a straight line. Fell asleep as soon as I got home.

Wednesday, 30 Mar 2011

Woke too early, too tired to concentrate. Pain in neck, hip and legs very bad again, made worse because of humidity (rain). Stiffness and shooting pains – random and in joints and / or muscles. Snuffles and sore throat and general feverishness as if I was going down with something, like flu. This is getting more and more frequent and although there are (as usual) no outward signs, I feel so unwell that all I can do is lie down to control it and wait for it to improve (hopefully). By mid-afternoon, I was even unable to recline. Constipated again! Don’t seem to have been able to get back to any normal (normal for me anyway) routine since Christmas.

Thursday, 31 Mar 2011

Woke up tired, achy and just feeling unwell – headache, feeling sick and queasy, feverish and trembling (that brain shaking in the head feeling), all of which is difficult to describe, but I can only cope with if I lie down. Once again, after a couple of days of being constipated, a massive attack of IBS this morning. Pain wasn’t quite as bad this time, but still required me to pant / breathe to deal with the strong contractions, like someone giving birth. Waves of malaise – which I can only say feel like waves of poison in my body – made me feel worse. At a couple of points, my vision narrowed in and I began to grey out and I felt myself swaying as I almost, momentarily, lost consciousness. As ever, the whole ordeal (onslaught, genuinely felt like I’d been attacked), left me feeling weak, tired and utterly wiped out. And, despite all this, had to go out to a counselling appointment in the afternoon.

Friday, 1 Apr 2011

Rough night with pain – from outing yesterday – worse in neck, shoulders and upper back, but as ever, also notably increased in hip, knees and feet. Also exhausted and would prefer to spend the day resting to avoid a crash, but have a doctor’s appointment, so must go out again. Discussed medication and got repeat of Venlafaxine and Lyrica  [Pregabalin] – I hate it, it does zero for pain and the side effects are intolerable, but I have to show that I’ve given it long enough – plus a 2 week trial of Celebrex [Celecoxib], but if this is continued, then we also have to add protection against gastrointestinal complications (ulcers, I guess). If there is one thing that seems wrong on every level, it’s taking one drug to prevent harm from another drug. [Still, GP wouldn’t prescribe anything whatsoever until Rheumatologist made suggestions and, this is working down her list.] We had also discussed the idea of injections for the spondylosis, but agreed that will not happen, on the premise that it would be hard to reverse if I had a bad reaction / side effects from those.

Saturday, 2 Apr 2011

Everything hurts. Neck worst and I’m exhausted. Bad night with vivid dreams again. Can’t stand at all. Pooling in legs with accompanying pain in my ankles and an overwhelming sick feeling as soon as I do. Spent entire day reclining or lying down, unable even to concentrate on TV.

Sunday, 3 Apr 2011

Woke up too early again – because of pain. Ran out of energy entirely by mid-day. Another day written off. Made it as far as the shop to get a sandwich (always hope a walk improves circulation), but even that short walk jarred my neck and hip and sent me horizontal to recover from the exertion. Leg pain really severe.

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