Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 21 March 2011

Monday, 21 Mar 2011


Eating breakfast, my entire face hurt. Stiff, painful and tired when I woke up. Although pain generally helped by Voltarol (Diclofenac) gel, there’s a sharp, stabbing pain in my left wrist if I try to use it, even to try to type even a few words. I also have a severe headache and a sore throat again. Put one load of laundry in the washing machine and a packet mix into the bread machine and just these minor activities in combination with making breakfast (cereal) and going to the loo (not even washing) have caused me to shake from the “exertion”. This is along with extreme nausea and overheating with excessive sweating. Had to lie down with the fan on for most of the rest of the day to try to subdue this.

Tuesday, 22 Mar 2011

Had trouble getting to sleep last night. Still woke early this morning: too early, not enough sleep to be functional and feel so tired that I’m already fighting to stay awake and semi-upright. Woke with headache, backache, neck ache and a burning, aching, twinging in my hip, thigh and right down my right leg. Ankles and feet also painful. Then I got a sharp, shooting pain in my left chest – severe enough to require breathing to control it. Pain in the wrist still stabbing too, which is made worse if I try to use it, which is pretty much any movement at all. Had an appointment with Dorset Pain Management Service today. Walk to the station was excruciating: sharp pain in my hip every time I put my foot to the floor. Arrived sweating and fatigued, balance gone and unable to walk straight. Noticed that I was listing towards the edge of the platform and staggered involuntarily. [This has to place me in danger from falling, as well as from attack / abuse from people who will perceive me as drunk.] On the plus side, the meeting with Mrs Das was good: she does not think I need psych help [Well, nor did I for pain / fibromyalgia / ME]. She says I’m balanced and have my life in order! 

Wednesday, 23 Mar 2011

Pain, especially in my legs, kept me awake last night and got me up early this morning. [As is always the case when I’ve had to go out and have walked any distance.] Possibly the worst pain I have ever experienced after an outing and certainly the most generalised. Impossible to describe, but overall aching, with a feeling that every single joint is swollen and every single muscle is pulled, with random shooting pains in muscles, joints and head. Headache, sore throat, feverishness. Back and neck are both in major pain. [You’re not missing the irony here that this was from an outing to a Pain Management Clinic?] Today had an appointment for a Counselling Assessment (it wouldn’t have been my choice to have them on consecutive days), so I got a taxi there. Appointment went well, but was emotionally very tiring. Walked back to the town centre, but this was really too far for me and served to wipe me out entirely. Once I got home, I ceased up entirely.

Thursday, 24 Mar 2011

Woke up too early – because of the pain – after dreaming too vividly during what seemed to be very light and non-restorative sleep. Headache, overall pain, burning aching and stiffness. Feel too tired to undertake any activity today. Even just standing up makes me dizzy, exhausted and nauseas. Was still dizzy and nauseas lying down. Had to make myself a nest of pillows [more like a padded cell] because I felt like I was falling, even when I was lying flat and wasn’t moving. Couldn’t even watch TV, because the moving pictures gave me a headache and made me feel sea-sick. Went to sleep in the afternoon and didn’t wake up until 7:30pm, but still managed to sleep through the night. Pain levels remained high, but I was so exhausted, I was able to sleep through them. Also had feverishness and a sore throat – took a flu powder to hopefully help reduce these symptoms.

Friday, 25 Mar 2011

All the usual aches and stiffness and woke up too early, too tired, yet again. One source of additional discomfort is that I have become constipated again. Considering the amount of fruit and vegetables I eat, plus psyllium husk supplements, this is a considerable worry, as well as a major discomfort. As well as generating more headaches, I am always aware of an increase in overall aching and stiffness, as though my body is harbouring poison (toxins), which, I guess, is pretty much what it is doing. Became too tired to do anything even remotely constructive quite early in the day.

Saturday, 26 Mar 2011

Didn’t get to sleep until 5am. Was very tired and strung out, but just did not feel sleepy. Only went to sleep in the end, because I was utterly exhausted. Woke up around 10am, which is not enough sleep, in a lot of pain. From experience, I know that I could crash very painfully and quickly once I have reached this state, so I know it’s important that I pace myself very carefully to avoid a long-term crash. Had another mega IBS attack. [Always follows a few days of constipation, which is why I work very hard to avoid it and the boom and bust cycle.] At one point I nearly blacked out – my vision certainly greyed out and I became light-headed – from the severe pain.

Sunday, 27 Mar 2011

Feel like I’ve got a fever with gripping headache, sore throat, going hot and cold, heightened aches and pains (in BOTH hips and burning in thighs), light-headed, dizzy and unsteady on standing, with extreme nausea and shaking, as if from exertion. Last night was drifting in and out of consciousness, with waves of overheating, pain and nausea. Had to breathe to keep control of it, but it was so bad, I really thought I might need emergency help. Feel really unwell today. Had to get on the floor in the kitchen, because I nearly blacked out again. Light-headedness continued all day. Could not sit up because of this level of sickness and because of severe pain in back and legs.

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