Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 7 February 2011

Monday, 7 Feb 2011

Could not move this morning. Pain everywhere. Was tossing and turning in the night, trying to get comfortable, but every position hurt. Could not lie on hip (R/H), but could not lie on left as I could not place right leg on top of left because of pain in the left knee, nor place the left face of right foot on the bed because of the pain and soreness on the toe joint. Can hardly straighten up to walk. Hip, neck, back and legs are all in agony again. All joints are clicking and banging painfully. It hurts to move even to get out of bed or to rearrange and position myself in bed. It hurts to lift the laptop from bed to lap. It hurts to have laptop touching my legs and stomach. And I have a headache. By 3pm I could do no more: I mean I could not even manage a reclining position and had to lie flat to half-watch TV. Fell asleep in the early evening, but slept through the night as absolutely exhausted from the pain.

Tuesday, 8 Feb 2011

Woke up even stiffer today and could hardly shuffle, let alone walk and keeping balance was difficult. Left shoulder is frozen – it had been years ago in Tenerife, when my left arm was numb for months – with pain and weakness back in both wrists and hands. Could not even open a jar of honey (not even a new one), nor carry a cup and saucer. Pain in hip and legs still bad. Still hurts to have laptop on legs / stomach. Now also hurts to type or operate mouse. Starting to get deep pain in left kidney area again and to feel sick. Made lunch and was almost too knackered to eat it. Want to hoover the floor, but dare not expend the energy. It’s sunny and I need to go the Post Office and I would like to go for a walk, but I know that this would be too much for me today. There is a shaking storm going on in my brain and I can feel my pulse in my head constantly. I keep overheating for no good reason, feel as through I have a fever and am coming down with flu again – post-exertional malaise, this time without recent exertion.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Had real trouble waking and moving this morning and felt like I hadn’t slept. Pain in hip is radiating down into the top of thigh, burning a ‘fizzing’ feverishly. Both thigh muscles are tight in spasm. Knees sore. Joints clicking and painful. Everything sore: throat, muscles, skin, et al. Feverish headache, neck pain and nausea. Dull pain in kidney again. Once again dizzy and feel sick and have to lie down again immediately if I even try to stand up. Once again, can only accomplish small tasks that can be accomplished lying flat (which, obviously, is not much). 

Thursday, 10 Feb 2011

All the usual aches and pains and feverishness, plus mother bitching about what she ‘wants’ and says she doesn’t care that those things make life harder for me. She’s fed up with the ‘inconvenience’ of my ‘illness’. Then she said the latter is not the case, but her actions tell another story. [She refuses to believe I’m ill.] As usual, it would be hard to prove whether she was being ignorant or malicious, but whichever it is, the stress this adds for me only makes matters worse.

Friday, 11 Feb 2011

Accumulation of the last few days’ physical downs, plus the emotional stresses made this a day where I was unable to achieve anything.

Saturday, 12 Feb 2011

First day in forever that I woke up feeling half-human. All the usual aches and pains, and tired, as ever, but felt better than the usual really unwell. Of course it didn’t last! Standing for only a minute or so to throw some ingredients into a pan for lunch (plus the walk to the kitchen and back) were too much. Enough to reactivate the pain in my hip, pooling in my lower legs, breathlessness, headache and the usual overwhelming need to sit back down (before I fall down). By mid-afternoon, I had to lie flat and fell asleep. Woke up with a sore throat, swollen glands, feverish headache, aches, herpetic tingles ...

Sunday, 13 Feb 2011

Had to take constipation relief last night as I’d not been to the loo for a few days and the resultant headache was mounting. Reacted badly to that medication with a dreadful stomach ache. That had not happened previously. Today I couldn’t wake up and my joints are clicking painfully. Already feel exhausted before the day starts. Decide to rest so that maybe I will recoup some energy.

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