Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 14 February 2011

Monday, 14 Feb 2011


Cold, achy and joints clicking painfully again, with a sore throat. Walk to kitchen to make breakfast was enough to provoke pain in hip and lower legs again. Just that was enough to exhaust me for the day.

Tuesday, 15 Feb 2011

Woke up aching and snuffling again, with a sore throat like I’m coming down with flu or tonsillitis. Glands in neck sore and swollen again. Joints all clicking painfully again. Cold again in the house.

Wednesday, 16 Feb 2011

Today I was offered Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I was most restrained and avoided swear words when turning the useless sh*t down. Not a good day. I’d woken up with such terrible pain and burning in my legs and such utter physical exhaustion that I absolutely could not move my limbs for some considerable time. My first thought on waking was that I really need to lie down. Of course, I was already lying down.

Thursday, 17 Feb 2011

At one point during the night I was lying down with my eyes closed and could feel, very markedly, every pulsation, in time with my heartbeat, running up through my neck and head. You know the images you see when your eyes are closed, well those were ‘jumping’ in time with the pulsations, just like the picture on and old analogue TV, when the horizontal hold went squiffy. In addition, I felt dizzy and nauseas. You know, the sort of dizzy and nauseas that you normally lie down to escape and recover from. Except, of course, I was already lying down, so there was no escape from the awful feeling until I eventually fell asleep again. This morning I woke with a stabbing headache and felt sick and shaky as soon as I moved. I have sensations of ‘brain shakes’ often, but never quite this bad. I stood for a minute or so, but immediately got severe pains in my lower legs and ankles, so had to lie down and elevate them. Woke with pain and burning in legs anyway, with the now customary painful, clicking joints and sore throat.

Friday, 18 Feb 2011

Woke up with feverish headache, sore throat and catarrh, along with aching muscles and sore joints. And very cold again. By lunch time severely sweating and overheating again. Got up only a minute or so at a time to print some pages and prepare 2 small packages for the Post Office and became breathless, shaking and feeling uncontrollably sick. Needed to lie down down again to recover from this. [Yes, I would be physically sick otherwise.] Must go to the Post Office as I have a hospital appointment on Monday [And couldn’t do both on the same day and can’t do outings on consecutive days either. And need to rest before the journey to the hospital …] Had to sit down half way through shower and was overcome with light-headedness and nausea. Same happened again when I got to Post Office counter, when I almost lost it and keeled over. Got home exhausted and had to lie down again, but then couldn’t move again for hours. Couldn’t even straighten up to walk to the loo and felt too exhausted and sick even to sit up.

Saturday, 19 Feb 2011

Woke up with the feverish headache, sore throat and catarrh again. The only thing I managed was some cooking a couple of minutes at a time, with rests to lie down in between. Tried to peel some apples, but did not have enough power in my wrists and the attempt was excruciatingly painful. Had to get help as was not able to complete the task. Even tried doing it sitting in bed, but still could not manage it. Managed nothing else today.

Sunday, 20 Feb 2011

Been having really bad dreams again. Last one, fighting a man who was trying to attack me. Woke up feeling like I’d been fighting all night. Even worse feverish headache, sore throat and catarrh again this morning, along with hard and swollen glands in neck, just as I used to get with tonsillitis [Had tonsillitis probably every other week when I was about 11-12, with swollen glands and constant, repetitive courses of antibiotics. Have since read that many children with ME present with this history, so this is probably where it began. I doubt the antibiotics helped my immune system.] Kept going hot and cold all day, as if I have a fever or flu. 

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