Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 24 January 2011

Monday, 24 Jan 2011


Woke up with the stiffness and aches of being cold – not that I felt cold, just that the temperature had dropped to a level that increases my symptoms. Again had the sore throat, sniffles and feeling in my throat of having catarrh (though blowing my nose produced none) and the same type of headache – a vice-like, feverish headache – I used to get when I had fevers and recurrent tonsillitis as a child. It wasn’t even possible to raise my head up from the pillow without it feeling like my head would explode and I would throw up, for at least half the day. For the other half I was just exhausted.

Tuesday, 25 Jan 2011


Snuffling / catarrh symptoms again, though today they responded to Beconase, so it looks like my allergies have been activated again, probably due to doing a modicum of housework with a new carpet sweeper. Will ask GP for anti-histamine at next visit. Woke up with the same stiffness from cold – house is unheated at night – again with a feeling of swelling in my joints, especially knees. Exhausted before I start, as usual, with the feverish headache. Actually felt a little bit better than of late and managed menu planning. Had to go to shop for food as had no alternative. Walk made me overheated and increased pain in my hip. Had to wait in the Post Office and almost fainted. Undue pressure being put on my with questions over when I will do tasks. Keep explaining that I will do what I can, when I can, but that I have no control over when that is. Mother just won’t get it.

Wednesday, 26 Jan 2011


Didn’t get to sleep until 7am. Alarm woke me at 8am, phone at 10am, cats at 11am and other noises in between. Apart from feeling strung out, exhausted, pain levels and headache are off the scale. Can’t even lift head off pillows without feeling that it will explode. Nausea particularly bad once more. Having had to stand to wait (for just one customer) at the Post Office yesterday afternoon, the pain in my lower legs returned last night and continues today. [This pain is extreme and was the main reason I was unable to sleep.] Hip pain from outing also much worse than usual. Woman saw me stumble / waver while I was waiting. Told her I cannot stand, but she looked at me as if I were drunk. Once more the pain in the left side of my back started up – the same one that began all this in 1995 – dull, deep and sickening, as it always does when I’m extra exhausted. Then I started getting chest pains and tightening round the chest. No option but to spend the day lying down and resting once more. Another day where nothing was done, but where there was no possible alternative.

Thursday, 27 Jan 2011


Lower legs in agony from the short walk to the shop on Tuesday – even when lying down. Joints clicking, feel swollen and painful from cold. Knees and ankles worst. Right shoulder was stiff and painful. Felt dizzy and sick as soon as I got up. Right hip painful again with burning pain right down to the bone, in and around the top of my thigh, bruised pain on the underside and tenderness like from a fresh injury on outside of hip. Mother admitted to hospital with suspected gall bladder problem. Did washing up, cleaned work surfaces, toilet and swept hall and kitchen floor – before doctor and paramedics came. This activity, once again, aggravated the pain in my lower legs and hip, resulting in complete inability to stand up. Dr McLeod mentioned this while she was here, as she had seen for herself how I was struggling. Had a bath in the evening in the hopes of relaxing, but both the house and the water temperature were insufficient to be of any benefit.

Friday, 28 Jan 2011


Fell asleep, exhausted, around 9pm last night and, consequently, woke up at 3am. Didn’t get back to  sleep until some time around 7am, then had the utmost struggle coming round at 11am when the cats were screaming incessantly for food. Cold again with all related aches and totally exhausted before I begin, but have to go out shopping. Have feverish headache yet again. First went to Post Office and would have caught bus to town, but could not stand to wait for 30 minutes. Thus, had to walk – slowly – but the further I went, the more pain in my hips and knees. Also too slow to keep warm, which caused my thigh muscles to spasm, which again increased pain that radiated to knees and hip. Was unable to do all I needed to do and had to abandon and get a taxi home. Was too exhausted when I got home even to make food. Sore throat again. Feel ‘fluey’.

Saturday, 29 Jan 2011


Another disturbed night, due to the extreme pain caused by outing yesterday. Did nothing, except watch some TV. Extreme post-exertional malaise, flu-like symptoms, sore throat and coughing as soon as I begin to speak.

Sunday, 30 Jan 2011


I’m reclining on the bed, I can’t sit up properly, because that hurts my hip. My legs are supported, up, on a wedge pillow to reduce the pain from the blood pooling in my calves and ankles, but I’m still in severe pain and have to move them constantly. The laptop resting on my legs is painful. My arms and wrists can’t stand to type for more than five minutes at a time. Writing is so painful I’m breathing as if I’m in labour. Neck supported, because it’s too painful and weak to support itself. [NOTE: in 2021, this describes ‘normal’.]

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