Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Monday, 27 December 2010

Monday, 27 Dec 2010

Christmas Aftermath

I noted yesterday that in the Xmas aftermath, I was having to wear sea sickness bands to lie on the bed. No, I hadn’t had a drink – not even one drop. 

The reasons (beyond the fall which hurt my knee and the course [NHS expert patient, ironically - I was self-managing more effectively before that setback] which screwed my whole routine and caused a flare) were in small part [due to] deviating from my usual restrictive diet and mostly to do with having to go out on the 23rd and then twice on the 24th to get my prescription of Gabapentin - that had been outstanding since the 15th - and then, foolishly, taking it. 

On Xmas day in the morning, when I took it the first time, it gave me such and awful high – very unpleasant sensation, never before known with a legal drug. Trying to cook Xmas dinner with my head in the clouds was no fun either. I wouldn’t have minded if it had done something for the pain, but it didn’t.

Tuesday, 28 Dec 2010

Part of the problem with the Gabapentin is probably because the capsules contain lactose and I’m lactose intolerant, but even solving that (the tablets don’t contain lactose), the rest of the side-effects are too severe for this to be viable. On the 2nd or 3rd day of taking it, I started getting severe chest pains and tightness [in my chest] again. Later, I read that I should have got urgent medical attention, but I was lying helpless and couldn’t move. I couldn't. It certainly was the cause of more nausea, which I had for years, but finally managed to control a few months ago; made my vision problems worse; gave me horrible headaches and back ache, plus increased trembling and shaking – this is all on top of the pain and usual symptoms. And it’s making me even more confused and foggy than usual.

Friday, 31 Dec 2010

The last day of 2010 and the culmination of the Christmas period is not one I’m going to forget in a hurry, because of a pretty bad attack of IBS-like symptoms. Deviation from my normally restrictive diet over the holidays had meant alternate days of either intolerable constipation or crippling sh*ts. Today was one of the latter. After beginning as seemingly normal suddenly the wind built up, there was a great rumbling from within and then a huge emission of ‘molten lava’. When it seemed to be over, it would start up again. This was repeated, over and over, for 45 minutes. This had happened on alternate days over Christmas, sometimes lasting for more than an hour. The pain was unbearable and the episodes left me weak and ill, just as if I’d had bad food poisoning. Today the stomach ache is so bad it left me no alternative but to lie down and sleep it off.

Saturday, 1 Jan 2011

Whilst I don’t see this becoming competition for Sam Pepys any time soon, faced with wide open spaces in a huge diary [this was originally written by hand on pages of cut down trees], I cannot help but want to fill them. 

I’m sure all it will do is to confirm what a dull non-life I lead these days. 

How did I see in the New Year? Sleeping. Couldn’t be arsed, as I still felt ill and had a bad stomach ache – felt like I’d been kicked – from yesterday’s bad attack of IBS. Checked finances, paid bills and pottered on the net. Yawn.

Sunday, 2 Jan 2011

Woke up too early after only around 5 hours sleep, feeling absolutely and utterly exhausted. By mid-morning I gave up, because I just wasn’t able to get anything constructive done. Couldn’t concentrate. Watched banal TV [‘watched’ is a bit strong: ‘it was on’] lying down for the afternoon. Managed to finish menu for the remainder of January and place grocery order [online] in the evening.


  1. Unless I actually mention an outing, I did not leave the house.

  2. Apart from trips to the loo or to the kitchen to get food and drink, unless I mention an activity, assume I was not able to do any.

  3. Unless I say otherwise, assume that 23.5 hours out of 24, I was reclining in bed.

  4. Unless I mention t or I had an outing, you can also assume that I did not bother to have a shower or bath that day, most often because it would have taken too much energy.

  5. Also, unless I specify an activity, you can assume that I was only able to half watch banal TV or browse the internet for short bursts of time.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Christmas 2010

There is no way that Balu would be persuaded to pull a sleigh! 

A few twigs and a nod in the direction of Christmas after 2 years without.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

‘Tis the season


A last look at the snow, which for just 2 days of this week, sent this little corner of Hampshire into utter chaos. To be fair, the area has never seen this much snow in one go before within living memory and neither had my cats – one of whom seriously hated it, the other enjoyed it immensely. Strange beings.

Overnight, last night, so much rain had fallen that it had washed all of that snow away, barring just some tiny traces that have also since been washed away by further rain during the day. It seemed to have melted, the temperatures have risen and there are liquid puddles, but I’m informed that the roads and pavements are still like sheet ice, so going out is still impossible.

Proper cold

Apparently, not even the main roads in this area have been gritted, which is exactly the same as didn’t happen last time we had snow too. Over the border into Dorset, at least the main roads have been cleared, so it’s reported.

Since I stagger, slip and slide even in perfect weather and always hurt myself when I fall, I think staying in is a sensible and very necessary precaution.

To be honest, over the last several days I’ve felt so low and sluggish that it has taken a supreme effort just to walk to the loo or the kitchen and back and just those activities – already simplified to the least possible exertion – have been too much for me, making it necessary for me to lie down to “get over” the exertion in between trips. Today, just walking to the kitchen and back made me shake from head to foot from the over-exertion: it’s almost impossible to explain how weak and generally unwell one feels as a result.

So, OK, I wouldn’t have been able to go out anyway, but somehow, when the weather adds yet another level of difficulty and makes being housebound a complete fait accompli, it’s the final straw and becomes harder to bear. 

The most snow the area has ever seen

On Thursday, all the trains in this area were suspended and we had no mail deliveries. Our buses didn’t run on either Thursday or Friday. Nothing new, of course, but this whole “Britain surprised by a sprinkling of annual white stuff, yet again”, is becoming very seriously irritating.

On Thursday I couldn’t have gone to a pre-arranged meeting, walking a mile each way in snow, but then as I couldn’t get an answer on the phone, I’m guessing nobody else could either. On Friday, my course was cancelled, but again, I wouldn’t have been able to get there, walking, in any case.

And today, I decided to give the local Christmas Extravaganza a miss, not just because of the ice, but also because I reckon the title is a piece of seriously extreme marketing exaggeration – considering the size of this no-horse town and the general level of excitement one might expect around here. Frankly, I couldn’t be arsed, which is about how I feel about the season generally.