Chaos to Cosmos
The path from chaos to cosmos was discovered by telling one's life story

Friday, 13 February 2009

Nothing Really Mattress

Nothing Really Mattress

Before I came back to the UK (which she had BEGGED me to do, repeatedly, for years and later denied doing so), I'd told my mother that I would be unable to sleep in a single bed or without a suitable mattress. The expensive mattress I had to leave in Tenerife was natural latex, bought especially for my problems.

As soon as a got here I told her how uncomfortable the bed was. It was also a lot older and worn out than I could even have imagined and, I could feel each and every spring digging into me. Apart from the fact that sleeping in such a small space (after 25+ years of double beds) was causing me to sleep rigidly, increasing the amount of pain and stiffness I suffered when I woke up (when I could sleep), the mattress, certainly wasn't right for my back, that was killing me 24/7.

Most nights I just could not get to sleep at all and she knew it, but she just kept saying that she “could not” do anything about it. More like "would not".

When I did manage to sleep, I'd wake up with my back feeling like it's broken in half, my legs in pain, my neck, shoulders and arms stiff and aching. Even after I'd told her all of that and had reiterated that I could not cope with that bed and no sleep for long, I was blanked. Repeatedly. What do I mean by blanked? She might shrug, but wouldn't reply. Mostly, she said nothing whatsoever and didn't even show a change of facial expression to indicate that she had even heard. It was something she did not want to hear, so she would not hear it.

A former family friend had turned up here back in November to interrogate and bully me (as a result of all my mother’s lies), but even he was sympathetic to the fact that it’s unacceptable for me to not be able to get comfortable rest. He explained all this to my mother yet again and reiterated that I needed a new bed because of back issues. When he said it, she'd replied to him - albeit, with a tone of impatient snark in her voice - "now I know why" (as if she'd never been told before) and then snapped, begrudgingly, that she would buy a new bed then. 

Two months passed and nothing happened. She just never mentioned it.

Finally, in serious pain and nearing the end of my tether, I gave up waiting and decided to order and pay for it myself, having saved up some money from my meagre benefits. However, since the banks still won't give me a debit card, the only way I was going to be able to order anything, is via her credit card. I told her that I wanted to place the orders and was going to pay her cash in return.

First "objection" - she claims she did not know anything about this. 

She fu*cking what?

Well then, I tell her, either she's senile, forgetful, mentally incapable and needs to be certified / supervised, or she's lying. Those are the only two options.

Then she decides that fitting a double bed into the room will be a problem. She demanded, in a hoity-toity know-it-all holier-than-thou if-I-speak-like-this-I-think-I-sound-superior-and-clever (supercilious) voice, to know how the bed will fit in.

It's not a huge room, but it would be obvious to anyone, at a glance, that a double bed would fit. She could have just asked and maybe she'd have discovered that I'd actually measured the room (and all the pieces of furniture), to be absolutely certain how it would do so. Of course. And, it's totally irrelevant whether there will much space left to walk around (her next objection), or not. What matters is that I have to have a bed I can sleep in that doesn’t give me more pain.

Then the next day, she flatly denied having said that she didn't know about it the previous day and tried to waffle that she meant something else, that I'd misinterpreted. Her words had been direct. I know what I heard.

She then just escalated the "nasty" and began denying a LOT of things, including declaring – more than once - that she had NEVER begged any of my friends to ask me to come back to the UK. So I said, "Shall I phone XXXXXX right now and ask her then?" "Oh, that was years ago ... in the beginning." So the the word NEVER was a lie, yet another one, wasn't it? So she got nastier and on it went ...

And what sort of person gets nasty with anyone, because they need a comfortable bed - because they cannot sleep comfortably – for a proven health reason?

Then it's a problem, because the supplier of the bed won't put it together. Shame, but she wasn't going to be doing it, was she? The hour or so's pain was I price I'd pay for the chance of more comfortable sleep thereafter. And tell her so.

How will I get the single bed to the other bedroom? (It needed chucking, but that wasn't going to happen.) Again, I tell her this is irrelevant, given the circumstances and reasons for me needing a new bed. She declares that she's just going to go outside and leave me to it then, in a superiorly, huffy, accusatory, nasty tone.

So I ask her, calmly, if understandably exasperated, what possible reason she has for making a problem of this. She evades the question, then turns it round, saying that I'm making the problem, then she starts getting abusive and screeching - really screeching - at me to shut up and just place the bloody order, or (she couldn't think of a threat.) Not the behaviour of an adult, is it?

Oh, I can get that her "dreaming up" objections is based on what she can't do (and nothing could ever be lacking in her abilities and intelligence), so this, in her eyes, becomes "normal", i.e. she projects her limitations onto everyone.

She's not in pain, so she can't see my need. My needs don't even appear to exist in her mind, or if they do, they don't matter and she will not count them.

The fact that she persists in her obstructive behaviour, even when these things have been pointed out to her by people she does believe and that she even gets nasty with me when she's confronted with truths - attacking me to subvert the discussion from the issue - well, it speaks volumes, doesn't it?

She's still doubting my word, still being snarky and nasty to me, still will not allow that I have needs, even after being presented with medical certificates, a letter from a specialist with a diagnosis and knows that even the DWP have assessed me as incapacitated. Well, it completely redefines the definition of cruelty.

Oh, and I ended up paying myself, despite her promises.