CHAOSTOCOSMOS

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Wishful thinking

image "In the same way that each of us has had to learn in growing up to resist the temptation of wishful thinking about ordinary things like lotteries, so our species has had to learn in growing up that we are not playing a starring role in any sort of grand cosmic drama." --Steven Weinberg, American physicist and Nobel laureate

Seen at: My Case Against God

It's a sad, but true, fact that my mother refuses to shake her belief that the lottery provides a realistic chance of obtaining a large enough sum of money to solve all my problems. Or just get rid of me, perhaps and, she also sees this as her only possible way of helping.

I tell her about the near impossible odds over and over again. Still she buys tickets. Still she treats checking the numbers, the moment the draw is televised, as though it's a life-and-death necessity and still, she also claims that buying lottery tickets is "doing as much as she can" to try to help me. Obviously, it is nothing of the sort and falls a long way below what might reasonably be expected of a family member who has the means to assist, as she does.

A "normal" parent faced with the ability to ease their child's pain and suffering would, I am certain, move heaven and earth to do so. My mother will not compromise one inch. She seems to have an over-developed sense of entitlement: that she need not make any concessions, whereas everyone else has to bend for her. Especially me, because, I am only a child, after all (yeah, forget being over 50) and my needs (even medical ones) are subordinate to her whims.

My wants don't even exist. I deserve and get no respect as a human being.

I think it also demonstrates how infantile her thinking is. Often, wishful thinking is the only kind of thinking she does. Why? Fantasy land is more comfortable, I guess.

No, of course, I know I'll never change this, but it does make even the simplest conversations with her the mental equivalent of beating one's head repeatedly against a stone wall.

Pamela is a former accountant, recovering journalist and international cat herder, disabled and chronically sick with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, Fibromyalgia and Cervical spondylosis, fluent in three languages; English, Spanish and Rubbish. Mostly writes in the latter. She likes Genealogy, Model Railways and Cats.

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