CHAOSTOCOSMOS

Saturday, 14 July 2007

Some things I did this week

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1. I ate tortilla chips. Not many (mum said something about too much salt and other chemical things in them), but I wasn't taking no for an answer. I nearly got my head in the bag and tried to pull her arm out of the way. I pull very hard for a small cat. With claws.

(Note to manufacturers: please make bags that do not sound crispy, crunchy and tasty. The little bugger can hear one being opened at 100 yards.)

2. I became an indispensable desk accessory. I was already indispensable, of course. Now we've got a choice of the cushion cover on top of the printer or a towel on the top of the desk. Mum moved all her junk off it to accommodate us. Isn't that nice of her? Well, OK, so I cleared it all off first, but she muttered some bad words about it may as well stay off then. And it's very handy to walk backwards and forwards in front of that screen thingy and across the little carpet where the mouse plays, to keep changing from one to the other.

How could someone like me be a nuisance?

3. I learned escapology. That's a science, you know and, I practiced my experiment three times through the new screen we have at the window. Mum still can't understand how I wriggled "my fat ass" (it's only fluffy) through a 2 inch gap, which she said looked like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube, but I'm just clever. I was going for a speed record too. Each time she opened the window, I could escape quicker. Then she made the screen so I couldn't get through the gaps. So I sulked and threw everything off her desk.

Why can't we go out? She says there were wicked cats around who tried to beat me up. Then there was all sorts of poisons for rats and things. Next month there will be hunting dogs. Yes, hunting dogs, not hunting cats. My sister Kitty keeps catching things and bringing them home (well, that's not my fault), which mum has to evict and then she gets worms (Kitty does, not Mum). Uncle Mico has allergies and can't go out while there are grapes on the vines, though what that has to do with me, I don't know. Apparently, there's a lot of ticks too.

Well, I want to go out - o b v i o u s l y - so I sulked, then I piddled on the bathroom floor. And crapped in the kitchen. Take that!

Mum's in a bad mood, I think, because Betty tripped her up and she fell and hit her arm on the door frame in the bathroom. That's not my fault either!

And Betty and Mico have been camping out on the kitchen table. Service is so damn slow around here, they have to camp out, in order to get anything?

While she was serving them, I just helped myself to her chocolate milk. When I want service, I just let her know with a swift whack. With claws.

The other day, Mum woke up with her ear cut and bleeding and an earring missing (that she found down the back of the pillow) and she had the cheek to blame me for that too! So I was on her chest? Merely circumstantial.

Oh and we've got rabbits. Not for dinner, unfortunately, but mum says they've probably made a home in the bank at the top of the garden. I'd like to see for myself, of course, but she won't let me go out, will she? I think I'll have to sulk again. One ran across the road right in front of the dog's nose and nearly pulled mum's arm out of its socket. The "bad" arm that's already bruised from when Betty tripped her up. This is hardly my fault, either, is it?

And somebody's been hacking up furballs. That wouldn't be me, would it?

Balu

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